• tetris11@lemmy.mlEnglish
    50·
    6 days ago

    We hunted the samples at nightfall and subjected them to relentless, unforgiving scrutiny.

  • Aeao@lemmy.worldEnglish
    44·
    6 days ago

    Festive voice

    It’s begining to look a lot like samples

    Results on every form.

  • S_H_K@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    38·
    6 days ago
    >be me.
>collect samples.
>do pro testing in the samples.
>get shit results.

    Life of a poop scientist

  • VivianRixia@piefed.socialEnglish
    23·
    6 days ago

    Farnsworth Voice:
    Good news everyone! We have a delivery of Samples to Test 14, the testing planet. A hazardous world of unregulated science and mad experiments where you will surely be killed. Well, off you go.

    • Buddahriffic@lemmy.worldEnglish
      11·
      5 days ago

      Hermes voice:

      If you’ll refer to form S-43.0 through 681, you will see that each sample was taken, registered, and filed. Scientists will then be able to request access to each sample using forms S-48 and B-2250 and can then perform analysis if they also provide forms A-6654.2 and D-12.8, though D-12.8 is only required if the analysis is destructive. If the analysis results in the destruction of the entire sample, you’ll also need to file a D-12.4 along with an S-40 request for a replacement sample, which might also require an E-36 expedition request.

  • RiceMunk@sopuli.xyzEnglish
    21·
    6 days ago

    In a university there was a lab. And in this lab there lived a postdoc. One day in the third month of their the postdoc heard a rap on their door. It was the professor! They said the postdoc would soon be approached by 12 undergrads, and…

    <300 pages of worldbuilding later>

    “You must take the samples! And throw them into the synchrotron! I am too old and burnt out to do it!” pleaded the old postdoc to the phd student.

    <500 pages of more worldbuilding>

    “I did the testing, but the results are not meant for me. I must now travel to the West, into the Private Sector.” said the PhD at their graduation party.

    • Lv_InSaNe_vL@lemmy.worldEnglish
      9·
      6 days ago

      Wait where is the completely unnecessary side plot about the undergrads partying with another professor??

    • tetris11@lemmy.mlEnglish
      6·
      6 days ago

      “I did the testing, but the results are not meant for me. I must now travel to the West, into the Private Sector.” said the PhD at their graduation party.

      A desolate wasteground of nothingness washed over the land, leaving nothing but apathy and desolation in its wake. The postdoc picked up a fallen fence post and sharpened it into spear. “These are dark times” they whispered, and set off back up the mountain, picking up the charred remains of the bridge to their former lab and pulling on the thin whisps of job strings dangled carelessly at random from the sky, sometimes doing nothing other than pulling the stormy sky down further to the ground.

  • Endymion_Mallorn@kbin.melroy.org
    16·
    6 days ago

    Now I want everything science related written in conspiracy voice. Then again, with the current US government, that’s how our leaders read them anyway.

    • luciferofastora@feddit.orgEnglish
      4·
      5 days ago

      I get why it’s done from a narrative point of view, but some obnoxious pedantic voice in my head never stops wondering why people would write down obscure lore notes in the middle of a disaster or when they’re about to die. It makes sense for some organisation’s agents to document their discoveries and leave (incremental) reports on-site in case they don’t make it back for a full report, but some random raider in FO4 noting down how pissed he is with his boss?

      Of course, I’m a sucker for lore, so I’ll take it, particularly when it’s in audio log form during exploration sections so I can keep exploring and listen instead of stopping to read.

    • Aeao@lemmy.worldEnglish
      1·
      2 days ago

      Old and already answered but I gotta try my hand at it.

      We got samples, they said it couldn’t be done but we did it. And everybody i got to say… These samples … No one’s ever seen samples like this. Of you should’ve heard what people were saying they told me (mocking voice) “we can’t get the samples we have to wait” I walked in on day one and got those samples. They said it couldn’t be done, I got samples, I got the better samples they didn’t even want to tell us about but I got em. When I went in they were begging to give me these samples. I said “no. I want the better samples” and we got em.

      And the forms. Oh you won’t believe the forms let me tell you about the forms. Barak Hussain Obama… I don’t know if you’ve heard of this guy… He’s scared now, all the democrats are because they’ve been having their friends at the fake news tell you they couldn’t get the forms.

      I got the forms, I got the samples and now they’re scared. They are scared because they know I got the best forms and the best samples. They said it couldn’t be done. Ive already made some calls and worked out deals to get 200 forms done. Never been done before, they couldn’t believe it.

      Do you know how many forms sleepy Joe got filled out. You wouldn’t believe it 5 maybe 10 maybe who knows. Where are these forms and… AND… they were Terrible forms. The worst… I couldn’t believe it. I asked him “where’s the forms why aren’t we getting the forms”. Day one I got 200 forms some say it’s more, it could be more, I don’t know, probably more. 200 forms can you believe that. The best forms and that’s why they’re scared now. We’ve got more forms, better forms, than probably anyone else in the world. They can’t believe our forms. Their saying “wow look at those forms” they wish they had these forms they can’t believe it… And we’re going to keep going… No one’s ever seen it. never been done before.

        • Aeao@lemmy.worldEnglish
          2·
          1 day ago

          Sorry for the double reply but I wanted to give some examples that aren’t related to politics. I’ll use leather because I loved my job selling leather back in the day

          Customer “I saw this at another store I went to do you guys get it from the same supplier”

          Me: I made that myself. Yeah it’s common when someone comes up with a unique design it often gets reproduced overseas and imported back by stores who prefer that route. I just wish they’d at least pass the cheaper price back to the customer. I’m sure you know (other store) has almost the same price maybe it’s a bit less a dollar or so maybe… I don’t shop there myself obviously, but when you look at reviews… I just don’t hear very many good things about his business personally. This belt is made by us directly and you’ll see similar designs here and there but I can’t guarantee thier quality like I can mine"

          What did I really say? Did I say the other store stole my design? No. Did I say they import it from somewhere else? No. Did I say they overcharge? No. Did I say my price was the same? No. Did I say they have bad reviews? No. Did I say I’ve heard bad things about them? No. Did I say his belts weren’t the same quality as mine? No.

          I said practically nothing that I dressed up in a tuxedo. That’s sales. Btw I’m never that shady I just know how it works

          Edit: one more did I say I invented the design on the belt? No. I just said I did make it. That scallop tooled design has been around for 200 years and everyone knows it. I just said oversees business steal designs. That is true and if you assumed I meant this design… That’s just you. I did not say that.

          Edit 2 one more to show me using that skill to help people.

          Hardhead: can you make me a keychain that says Harley Davidson on it.

          Me: I can engrave names and words on keychains sure. As long as it’s not a trademark or copy write. Names are fine.

          Heard head: Harley Davidson like the motorcycles. Can you do that?

          Me: if it’s your name or nickname

          Hardhead: no it’s the motorcycle company. I ride a Harley.

          Me: that would be intellectual property. I can’t do that.

          Smarter Friend: go wait outside hardhead… Yes sir I’d like to make a keychain for my friend named Harley Davidson.

          Me: absolutely

          Smart friend: he was born in 1986 can you put that on there? Also I have a nickname I call him. “Fatboy” put that next to his birth year.

          Me: no problem sir.

          Sorry for the long replies you did not request its just how wording changes things is fascinating to me lol

        • Aeao@lemmy.worldEnglish
          2·
          1 day ago

          Thanks. Ive been a salesman since 16 so I see the stuff he’s doing. Before he ran for president I actually liked trump as a salesman. He was good, still a sleezball and shady but I had respect for the “art” if you will. Not the person.

          So I make fun of him a lot and it’s simple for me because it’s just “take sleezy sales strategies I already know, add what I know about trump from the early days and now, a liberal sprinkling of alzheimer’s and garnish with an arrogant god complex.”

          That’s a perfect trump speech recipe if you want to try it at home, or for a party.

          That’s where you get stuff like

          “you wouldn’t believe it” setting your customer up by telling them what they are about to feel. That makes them start to feel that way before you even say the thing.

          “Some say it’s more, I could be more, probably more but let’s say 200”

          1. fake humble, like you’re giving a conservative estimate when actually you’re doing the opposite. However you specifically did not guarantee more, you just said some people might say that and you might agree. That’s not a lie technically.

          “Others said It couldn’t be done” whoever you think those other people might be… That’s who’s lieing to you and I’m now confirming that you can’t trust them. You can trust me because I loved them wrong… And that’s kinda like proving you right isn’t it? Because you didn’t trust whoever you are thinking about and you were right to feel that way. And I’m right and safe. So trust me because we’re basically a team now. Against the people you think I’m talking about.

          Anyway that’s enough examples but you can see things like “who said it couldn’t be done” it vague so the customer can fill it in themselves with whoever they want. You can see things like “biden had more than 10 “forms or whatever”” woah I didn’t say ten. I said maybe ten and I think probably, but I also said I didn’t know. It was an opinion not a lie"

          Even “Hussain” Obama. The name has negative appeal but it’s just a name not a political stance hell he didn’t even pick it himself. But you dont trust that name so I’m going to make sure you keep hearing it.

          Sleezy sleazy sales tactics. And with age he’s gotten worse. I mean he was always a bad person but with age he’s getting worse at the “art” if you will.

    • irelephant [he/him]🍭@lemm.eeOPEnglish
      10·
      6 days ago

      Our very great, very excellent team collected samples, and might I add these are some of the greatest samples we have ever seen! I went to the russian scientists and they said “mr. trump we have never seen samples these great” such great samples indeed.