Gloriously researched and delivered with the characteristic Ed Zitron panache. I can’t believe this hasn’t been shared here yet!

You should just read it, but I knew I had to share it when I got to this part:

spoiler

Stoll’s analysis also isn’t based on hundreds of hours of research and endless reporting. Mine is! I will grab you from the ceiling like the Wallmaster from Zelda and you will never be heard from again.

Emphasis mine.