That’s a lot more fun than when I trained my dog to find Parkinsons. I only have one friend named Parkinson, so it wasn’t very impressive.

Yeah, I wasn’t able to find any waste, fraud, or abuse, and rather than saving money like we promised, it turns out we’re spending more money. Like a lot more. Like instead of saving a trillion dollars how I said we would, we’ve spent over two hundred billion more than last year in just a few months. Oh, and you know how we said your taxes would go down? Funny thing, they’re actually going to go up - for you I mean, mine will weirdly go down still. And my companies will also do pretty well because of the government subsidies and all that. Oh, and it’s pretty convenient that all of those investigations into my businesses randomly got dropped. Coincidental those investigations were under the same agencies where we imagined we’d find the most waste, fraud, and abuse. Good thing shutting them down without the authority to do so was much easier than actually proving any wrongdoing took place. Anyway, good luck getting a job if you’re one of the many experienced government employees I fired. I know things are unusually rough right now, for some reason. Lots of people attacking the United States with bad trade deals out of nowhere, like how Ukraine attacked Russia so randomly. Good thing we’re diverting so much money from those pointless social safety nets (I mean, they’ve never helped me) to put it toward additional warfare. That’ll show all those countries who refuse to bend the knee. Oh, are you still here? Shouldn’t you be working long hours for a slave wage somewhere?

Yeah, 2 tines and 4 handle is a pretty good fork, I’ll admit. I just worry about the concave shape of the top side of the handle causing the edges to dig into my fingers with long-term use.

Trumpism:

Ukraine should concede Crimea and anything else Russia wants - but Obama should never have let Russia take Crimea!

If you elect me, I’ll have a deal made on day one - but whatever deal I make they won’t take it, it’s all Biden’s fault!

I’m going to put tariffs on every country in the world except Russia because things are already so tough for them - but they won’t listen to me, somebody needs to sanction Russia!

I think Ukraine needs to apologize to Russia for instigating such an aggressive war - but why won’t anyone acknowledge how smart I am on foreign policy?

Let’s see… we’ve replaced our forests with gas stations, burnt down the rainforests in favor of monoculture farms, acidified the oceans to kill all the diatoms… I think we’ve put Earth’s oxygen production systems into as much peril as possible.

Billionaires: hold my deep sea mining rig.

Those prongs are fine. The handle, though, it’s like having a huge counterweight on the back of the utensil. I can imagine liking it if it’s always been that way or if you have big hands. Otherwise, handle number 5 is the clear improvement - no sharp edges, properly balanced, not shaped like a wedge. Could hold that fork for days.

The will of the people

It is clear to me that the only explanation for your preference is nostalgia.

“Are you lying to me right now?”

“Yes.”

Basically the plot of Kaiba.

Aww, salty lemmo

Yes, this level of control over how the populace thinks is a step along the path toward turning human beings into livestock. I’m not fond of it.

Yeah, I want to feel that bone in my mouth. Put that bone inside me, chicken. Let me suck the meat from your bone.

This comment brought to you by manly men who are straight and also not gay.

Oh, that makes much more sense!

Thanks, I was looking everywhere for some kind of link between a tree being in poor health and expressing caulifloric tendencies, was coming up with nothing. But I swore I saw a post like this one a few days ago so I was going mental trying to find a source that supports what’s going on here.

Cauliflory

Selfawarewolves

Reminds me of this clip.

Archaeologists:

She should swallow a hydrogen cyanide capsule that only dissolves if triggered by the detection of radioactive decay.

Who knows what will happen to the cat?

Well, it gets confusing when your mom is a famous stock photo hand model.